You began life in the best of circumstances. You had every need met, every desire fulfilled, and every imaginable wish granted. You were in the womb. In those first nine months of bliss every need was met.

Your first hurdle in life occurred when you were expelled from that Garden of Bliss. You began to experience life on this side of the womb. You began to experience needs. These needs ranged initially from hunger and thirst, to the need for security and comfort. You cried when you were hungry, thirsty, dirty, or wet. Someone came and met those needs. It may have been your mother, your father, an aunt or uncle. But someone met those needs for you. All you had to do was cry!

You were born egocentric, which is a big word for thinking you are the Center of the Universe. Because of your influence on others, you organize your world thinking that you can keep your world together because all you have to do is cry and someone comes running. (Now this is normal human development.) The people who cared for you kept your world together. The formula is simple.  You CRY and Others REACT!  You DEMAND and Others JUMP!  You WANT and Others GET IT! 

You quickly learn that you have influence in this world because nobody tells you “NO”. And then it happens, at two years old, seated in the grocery buggy, about to checkout of the store, you spot a candy bar. Your screams for the candy bar are initially met with your Mother’s “NO!” But “NO” is unacceptable because you have been able to get her and others to keep your world together, so you throw an incredible fit right there in the grocery store line. Your power is on the line. You have been able to move, will, and shape your mother to do what you wanted until now. The battle of wills begins over a candy bar!  You must win and she must lose!  You must be able to get her to do what you want or your world will come apart!

If your mother gives into your demands, what are the implications for being able to hear “No” as an answer in your future? If your mother gives into your demands, does she give the candy bar to you “for” your sake or “for” herself? Clearly, “for” herself. By giving you the candy bar, she escapes the embarrassment of a screaming child, and as a result, her world is not upset by the embarrassing tantrum of a screaming brat.  Her reaction in giving you the candy bar is about keeping her world together just as your temper tantrum is about getting her to keep your world together.